The Exhaustion of Being Autistic in a Neurotypical World
The Quiet Exhaustion of Being Autistic
People often think of autism in terms of traits—difficulty with social interaction, sensory sensitivities, routines. What they don’t always see is the deep, quiet exhaustion that comes from constantly having to perform in a world that wasn’t built with me in mind.
Every day, I wake up and start translating myself. My natural way of communicating—direct, detailed, honest—often doesn’t land the way I intend. So I adjust. I monitor my tone, rehearse small talk, remind myself to look people in the eyes even though it feels unnatural. I suppress the urge to stim in public. I force myself to laugh at the right times, nod when I’m supposed to, and pretend to understand when I don’t, just to keep the conversation moving. It’s like speaking a second language 24/7, except the stakes are emotional connection and social survival.
Autism and Sensory Experience
Then there’s the sensory side. Sounds that others filter out—buzzing lights, distant sirens, the murmur of overlapping conversations—are like needles in my brain. Crowded spaces and chaotic environments make my skin crawl. Even soft fabrics or bright lighting can derail my focus. The mental energy it takes to stay calm, composed, and “normal” in those settings is immense. By the time I get home, I often feel like I’ve run a marathon in silence.
The Loneliness of Being Autistic
But maybe the hardest part is the loneliness of not being understood. People see me functioning and assume I’m fine. They don’t realize how much work went into seeming fine. They don’t see the anxiety that builds up after too much socializing, the shutdown that comes from too much sensory input, the burnout that feels like my brain just… powers down. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to meet the world halfway, and yet it often feels like the world hasn’t moved an inch toward me.
Being autistic doesn’t make me broken or wrong. But the pressure to constantly adapt—to mask who I am just to be accepted—is exhausting. All I want is to live in a world where I can be myself without apology. A world that values different ways of thinking and being. A world that understands that sometimes, the greatest effort is the one no one sees.
BY DEE NIC SITRIC