Pulled in Opposite Directions: Living Between Autism and ADHD (AuDHD)

Autism and ADHD: AuDHD

Some days, I feel like I’m made of contradictions. Like I’m trying to steer two wildly different brains in the same body—and they’re arguing about the best route.  

Being autistic and having ADHD is like living at the intersection of structure and chaos. My autistic side craves routine, predictability, and quiet. It wants the world to slow down, make sense, stay still. But my ADHD side? It craves movement, novelty, stimulation. It gets bored easily, distracted constantly, and restless in silence.  

It’s a tug-of-war that I live through every day.  

I make a schedule—autistic me loves schedules—but then ADHD me promptly ignores it. I hyperfixate on something for hours (both brains agree that obsession is fun), but I forget to eat, shower, reply to texts. I need downtime after socializing, but I also need constant dopamine, so I’ll scroll for hours and then feel burned out and overstimulated.  

AuDHD Self-Judgment & Moving Forward

The worst part? The self-judgment that comes with it. Why can’t I just pick a lane? Why do I sabotage my own systems? Why does my brain want two totally different things at once—and punish me for not doing either perfectly?   

But I’m learning it’s not sabotage. It’s just complexity.  

I’m not broken. I’m navigating two very real neurotypes that each have their own needs. And honoring both—giving myself permission to rest and move, to structure and wander—is the only way forward.  

It’s messy. It’s loud. It’s confusing. But it’s also me. And maybe that’s okay.  

This post is part of a series called Dee’s Reflections, where our founder Dee Nic Sitric explores topics related to her own neurodivergence and life experiences. Learn more about Dee and the rest of our team.